Have you ever just sat quietly and let your mind wander, with no desire to control or steer your thoughts in any particular direction? Or more accurately, have you ever just zoned out completely, to the point where your mind is totally vacant and you don’t quite feel real anymore?
You’re just an empty vessel into which thoughts and feelings drip down from somewhere slightly above you like a broken faucet that someone should have fixed years ago but never bothered to. It’s slightly rusted now and the pipes are shot, and it just drips...drips...drips slowly and consistently, all the thought drips coalescing into each other as they spiral quietly through you and down the drain.
You dissociate into it. You waft, you float, your boundaries blur and you dissolve slowly and silently into the hazy air around you. You wrap the nothingness around you like a threadbare blanket, hiding in its pliable folds. It’s warm in there. Safe. Maybe you’ll just stay like that for a while as the world turns circles around you.
“Horse+ (Don’t Mind the Horse)" by Anonymous Depressed Dogs Club (the title giving anything away there?) is the soundtrack to this experience. And it adds just the right amount of containment and comfort to make it feel okay.